ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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