Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize