why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
