I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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