hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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