Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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