Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
