Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
