If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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