bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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