sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
