the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
