I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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