It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
