They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
