They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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