Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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