I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
