Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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