She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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