After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
