I wish I could teleport
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
PANTIES FOUND
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