Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
