I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
