I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
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I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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