I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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