So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
