CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
