I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
