I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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