There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
