Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
