he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
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When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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