I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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