oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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