I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
