I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
