we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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