Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
