Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
