It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
