So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Randomize
