you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
