Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
