I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
