the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
