He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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