I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
