JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
