Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
