A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
