Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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