This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
