hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
