Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
