She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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