Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
