I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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