one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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