why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
