East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
