Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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