did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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