I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
