Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize