my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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