I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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