And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
