took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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